FOR PASTOR / PLANTER’S WIVES : What Is My Role in All of This? (Guest Blog from Laurie Ann Neeley)

Friends, it is my privilege to introduce my favorite blogger in the whole world…my wife. Please share this with your wife as it may help you both. – Dustin

Every time I speak with a church planting wife, she always asks the same question:

“What is my role in this?”

It’s a good question and one that we have to consider, but I wonder if  its also one that is sometimes given too much consideration because its focus may be unwittingly misplaced.

As women we always want to have a plan and know what we are to do. The good news is that there are some really clear Scriptures that can help us get some immediate answers! Genesis 2:18-25 says God created woman to be a “helper fit for him.”  This “helper” does not mean that we are necessarily to be the co-planter of our church. We are to be the helper to our husbands who are planting the church — loving, supportive, safe, encouraging, etc.

So, in my view, the better question may actually be:

“So, what does it look like, practically, to be my husband’s helper?”

Every home is different and every man is different in what he needs at the end of the day. Let me also say that there are also seasons in the life of a church, so the needs may change. And, if you have children, then there is a whole other slew of things to consider before you sign-up to be the new plant’s de-facto Children’s Minister.  But here’s some quick counsel on how to answer this question:

1.Ask your husband, “Honey, what would you like from me as you helper?”

Cut straight to the chase. What does your husband need from you as his wife so that he can plant the church to the glory of God and to the best of his abilities? Sometimes we think they should ask us that question as soon as they hit the door, but not necessarily. They’ve got a lot going on. It is a great help when we ask first and every husband is wired a little differently. Some cook, some do not. Some clean, some do not. Some can take the kids and run around the city. Others have a hard time leaving the driveway. These questions might help as well:

• Am I  caring for him and our union intimately?
• Does he love to come home to me?
• Is our home a place where he gets re-fueled?
• After Jesus, am I making him my priority?

If you find yourself unsure or upset by these questions, I’d encourage you to talk to your husband about these things and consider seeking help from a mentor.

2. If you are also a Mama (as most planter wives are), dig into the Word for what the Bible has to say about parenting.

Proverbs is wonderful for this. As you read along, think and pray about how your “mothering,” which comes just after your “wifing,” will impact your participation in the plant because it’s hard to have two jobs–in this case three. : ) Your kids are only little once and being a mother is a life-long contract and it’s the best job you’ll ever have! Work at it to the glory of God and as a blessing to your husband and children.

When we planted, we had very small children and it was easy to help with ministries that involved reaching-out to other moms at the park and having play dates. Six years later my children are in school and my responsibilities are very different. I have friends that are planting with older children and I’d never tell them to be as involved as I was in the beginning. It’s just a different season and every family has a different “plate size.”

Perhaps  instead of asking what your role is, first look at what is already on your plate and what your husband needs from you, first and foremost as a person.

It is possible that your biggest ministry to the church will be hospitality through meals, counseling and encouragement. If you have some margin, then you can focus on helping with the church plant as the children’s minister ; ).

Church planting is tough. Being a church planting wife is tough too. But God is good. And through much prayer and conversation with our husbands, we can, in fact, determine “what our role is.”

Praying for you.